I'LL BE WAITING ON THE OTHER SIDE

As Santa checked into an hotel (pearl gates) room, he was happy to see a computer there, preeto! He exclaimed,  However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address and without realizing his error, sent the mail.
     On the other end, somewhere in Arkansas, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. She decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
    She opened her inbox, read the first message and fainted. Soon her son was called up by the neighbors. He saw his mother lying on the floor and the computer screen showing an open mail. He read the mail
To: my loving wife
subject: I've reached
 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mail to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I was welcomed at party gate by beautiful angels.
I will see that everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Hope nothingstops you from coming here to join me.
 Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

BUSINESS MAN AND DOCTOR

A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices rashes on his joystick. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the America, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but decides, if it is common in America they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in New York.

The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"

The man replies, "Yes a few in Abuja."

The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"

The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."

THE HELL ROOM

Mr Johnson dies and goes to hell, he is welcomed by the devil. The devil tells him that he will have to choose a room to spend eternity.

The devil takes him to the first room; In the first room, people are staying in poo up to their neck level, mr Johnson shouts No!

The devil takes him to the second room, in this room, people are staying in poo up to the chest level, Mr Johnson says " I don't like this room". They go to the third room.
In the third room, people are staying in poo up to the knee level, eating buns and drinking coffee & beer. Mr Johnson decides to stay in this room. The devil leaves him. As he wades into the poo, The Devil shouts  ALRIGHT FOLKS, COFFEE BREAK OVER! EVERYBODY BACK ON YOUR  HEADS!

Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are, 

Ready? GO!!!
 
First Question:

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?


 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are
absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!

Try not to screw up next time.
Now answer the second question,
but don't take as much time as you took for the first one, OK ?

Second Question:
I f you overtake the last person, then you are, ?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this, are you?


 


Third Question:
V ery tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 .
Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000
Now add 10 . What is the total?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you get 5000 ?

The correct answer is actually 4100.


If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Today is definitely not your day, is it?
Maybe you'll get the last question right,
, Maybe.



Fourth Question:

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you Answer Nunu?
NO! Of course it isn't.
Her name is Mary. Read the question again!

Okay, now the bonus round:

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is
done.

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 
He just has to open his mouth and ask,
It's really very simple,  Like you!

World's Sexiest Accents. Nigeria Ranked No.5

In the top 12 hottest accent compiled by CNNGO, the Nigerian accent was ranked 5th hottest after the Italian, French, Spanish, and Czech accents.

Here's what they wrote about the Nigerian accent.

Famous tongues: King Sunny Adé, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde.

Dignified, with just a hint of willful naiveté, the deep, rich “oh’s” and “eh’s” of Naija bend the English language without breaking it, arousing tremors in places other languages can’t reach. Kinda makes the occasional phone scam worth the swindle.

Wow, fantastic! But why did they have to spoil it by adding scam eh? *hiss* :-)

Tiwa Savage, Chidynma, Waje and Lami Cover August Issue of Genevieve Magazine

 

Surf with money

<a href="http://paidlog.com">Get Paid for Post</a>This web site is good, really really good i can confidently tell you this because i am a registered user in this site.
All you have to do is register with them and survey their ads which will be coming up automatically.
What does this mean?
This means you can be doing other things on the internet while making automatic money with surf with money site, while am here writing and typing this preview my surf for money account is reading on the other page of my browser, get it? This is completely stress less, after your money gets to 35$ you can withdraw it and into your Liberty Reserve Account, yeah it is that easy. just follwo the link and claim your price.
look at this way, what do you have to loose anyway just give it a shot its not like its going to take your time cuz your can put it on Auto Survey and the money making machine starts reading.

PAID LOG

<a href="http://paidlog.com">Get Paid for Post</a>Paid log is a site that grants users to earn money directly into their account, which will be created, then all money or monies (if you know wat i mean winksss) will paid to your wired pay account which you will creat on filling in your account details.


In truth paid log has come to give meaning to blogging, paid log allows you to negotiate directly with advertisers tell them your price, if they like it fine, if they dont they ball.

paid log is the place to be if your a blogger and if your not what the hell are you waiting join the league now and start blogging your way to comfort.

DMV

A man is at DMV.
 [DMV Worker] Name, please?
 [Man] Abdul Khan.

[DMV Worker] S*x?
 [Man] Yes. Three to five times a week.

[DMV Worker] No, no… I mean, male or female?
 [Man] Both male and female. And, sometimes with camel.

[DMV Worker] Holy cow!
 [Man] Yes, I did one time with a cow, too.

[DMV Worker] But isn ´ t that hostile?
 [Man] Horse style, doggy style, any style!

[DMV Worker] Oh dear!
 [Man] No, no! ….. No Deer…….. Deer run too fast!  )

Sick for work

---

Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomachache and my legs hurt. I not come work."

The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."

My father died of AIDS – BBA winner, Karen Igho

When asked what she would do with her $200, 000 BBA cash prize, Karen replied

The money is still hot. I want it to cool down first. Later, I would think of what to do with it. I will follow the adage that says ‘charity’ begins at home. Like you all heard, my father died of AIDS, so I want to use part of the money to pursue that cause. I will start in Nigeria before I go to other countries.

One million students fail 2011 WAEC exam

According to the Head of National Office (HNO), Dr. Iyi Uwadiae, out of the 1, 5 million candidates who sat for the May/June, 2011 WASCE, only 472, 906 candidates obtained five credits above including English Language and Mathematics. The implication of this results he revealed was that only 31 per cent would be eligible for admissions into tertiary institutions. He said:

“The percentage of students that made five credits with English and Mathematics is better than last year. This year like other years, the candidates have not done well. The results will not be of interest to you journalists. Many of them do ‘cut and paste’. For this year, 472, 906 candidates (30.99 per cent) obtained five credits above including English and others as against last year of 23 per cent.”

One day Pete was complaining to his friend...

One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I bettersee a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer inthe drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaperthan visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine andit will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. Itonly costs N1000.00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urinesample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured inthe sample and deposited N1000.00. The computer started to make a weirdnose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a smallslip of paper printed. It said: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water,avoid heavy labor,it will be better in two weeks.Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Petebegan to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples fromhis wife and daughter. To top it off, he masterbated into the concoction.He went back to the drug store, poured the sample into the machine and deposited N1000.00. The machinhe again made the usual noise and printed outthe following analysis: Your water is hard,get a softener. Your dog has worms, get him shots. Your daughter's using cocaine,get her into a rehab clinic. Your wife's pregnant,it's not yours,get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, Your tennis elbow will never get better!

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A young female teacher was giving an assignment...

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. Itwas a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenlythere was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?" "Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days." The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title theassignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an evenlouder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funnyBilly?" "Well miss, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe,"I don't want to see you for three weeks." Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. Soshe bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter fromanother male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving theclassroom." Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"