plenty jokes

A guy joined a nudist camp and when he told his mom she didn’t believe him. So he sent her a picture of his top half. A week later his grandma wanted a picture and he accidentally sent the bottom half. Knowing she had bad eyesight, he didn’t think much of it. A week later his grandma wrote a letter saying, that she didn’t like his haircut, because it made his nose look too big.

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.” The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?” “Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

A guy was sunbathing in the nude on the beach. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked “What do you have under the newspaper, mister?”
“Nothing. Just a stupid bird,” the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, “I don’t know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I’m here.” Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her “What did you do to that naked fellow?” After a little pause, the girl replied, “To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire.”


This guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school, unfortunately he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is about 5 or 6. One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his gal climb up to the top bunk.
As you might expect things start to heat up. The guy remembering that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper,”lettuce” if she wants it harder and “tomato” if she wants a new position.
“Lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, lettuce,” it sounds.
Then the little brother chimes in, “Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there, you’re getting mayonnaise all over my face.”

TIWA SAVAGE

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Tiwa Savage has signed an endorsement deal worth millions of Naira with Pepsi. The endorsement deal was sealed with Tiwa’s current management 323 Entertainment headed by Tunji ‘T-Billz’ Balogun about a month ago. The deal sees the 32-year-old follow the likes of pop singer Ashionye who was endorsed as the face of ‘Pepsi Light’ back in 2007. The management explained they signed a non-disclosure agreement with the parties involved. There’s no announcement yet from Pepsi. But an insider tells us there’s the possibility that another Nigerian pop star will be joining Tiwa at Pepsi soon. It’s big things popping for Tiwa who recently signed under top notch producer Don Jazzy’s new label outfit, MAVIN Records.

Boss Vs Actor

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Modenine and beauty-queen-turned-rapper Munachi Abii were locked in a war of words during a rap competition which took place some weeks ago. Muna, who was the host of the just concluded ‘Nokia Don’t Break the Beat’ rap competition which took place at the GET Arena on Saturday, April 28 was involved in a brief exchange with Modenine who was a head judge after the rapper decided along with the other judges (renowned disc jockey DJ Jimmy JATT and Knighthouse record label boss Rogba Arimoro) that ‘T.K.O’ had won the final rap bout, with the first runner  up being Black Jeez. Muna sought a different opinion and made it known as she contended the judges’ decision by saying she did not agree with the decision, claiming she had a say in the judgement. ‘I don’t agree with you but, my opinion matters too, you know’, Muna told Modenine.
 A clearly pissed off Modenine tried to clear Muna as to what her role as a host should be and how vastly experienced he was a Hip-Hop veteran. ‘I’ve been listening to hip-hop for a long time, trust me, you have to respect my opinion’, the rap veteran told Muna right in front of the crowd. DJ Jimmy JATT also had something to say ‘…It was wrong what she did. Judges are judges, comperes are comperes’. The veteran DJ disclosed that there were other things Muna was doing wrong on stage but they all decided to overlook it. Modenine is considered as one of Africa’s greatest rappers with over four albums, five mixtapes and numerous awards to his credit. Modenine says Muna is just a little girl…Boss Vs Actor